The Day Off

Teeth.

Who'd have thought a single tooth could cause so much chaos in the world of a baby? Certainly not me, I feel like I was seriously unprepared for the first tooth saga.

I can honestly count on one hand the hours of sleep I've gotten since Monday (4 days ago) and that's without using all the fingers. Poor Willow has been teething for just over a month now and wow, this week was by far the most intense! Don't get me wrong, she is still our lovely and wonderful little baby and the moments during the day where she smiles, laughs and pretty much just lays there being her drooly self, make up for the stirring and grunting creature we get exposed to at night.

Up until this point it's all pretty much been pretty tame and sunshine-y daisy in terms of the things I write about, because those precious first moments are supposed to be exactly that. The smiles, the pictures, all the lovely leaflets and written books about this special growing and developing experience with your new baby. If I collect a good amount of the material that I've read and learned in parenting classes that relate to every day parenting, I'd be quite tempted to wrap most of it up in red tape, put in in a box and label it, Box of Lies (do not open) and send it down a riverboat burning like Viking royalty. But that's a bit much isn't it?

I feel like you only get prepared so far in terms of what to expect when you have the baby. Anything from the first night home to the first time the baby gets sick, the first tooth and more. But it's also really cryptic information.

Here's the NHS symptoms for teething:

• your baby's gum is sore and red where the tooth is coming through
• one cheek is flushed
• your baby is dribbling more than usual
• they are gnawing and chewing on things a lot
• they are more fretful than usual

And here's a real life update on those terms:

• Your Baby's gums will probably be sore and red, but they will be too busy gnawing your knuckle off and flicking their tongue for you to get a good look in.
• Both cheeks will be red like they've just been squeezed by Auntie Wendy for 3 hours, but not quite red enough to alarm you.
• Dribble? Nah, your baby will be soaking through bibs like the 'cheap brand' kitchen towel in the TV adverts, go buy a hundred bibs, that'll do for a day or two. Oh and their hands, your hands and every toy will be dripping.
• Gnawing and chewing constantly is pretty accurate, I'll give them that!
• More fretful than usual? Haha, basically, Willow was a lovely baby who slept quite well and smiled at just about everything. While teething she pretty much had the battle cry of 1000 Spartans going into battle and play time becomes rarer than seeing Halley's comet.
• What the NHS kindly leaves off this list is possibly the most noticeable of all. The poop. Oh you think the poonami of month two was bad. The teething poops are what separates the adults from the kids. These are what Bane was talking about when he told Batman he was moulded in the darkness, they happen at night and they are life changing, onesie destroying, armpit staining and bath inducing parcels of, shit.
• Side note - maybe invest in some nice clothes that aren't white for this period of time (See above)

But on the plus side, Willow's first tooth came in today, as if by magic, all that aggro is officially over. I can return to work after 2 long days off of pure sleep deprivation and the hoping to relieve a bit of stress from poor Jodie who doesn't get an 8 hour break from this part during the day. That is, until next time, because you see...there's 19 more teeth to come. Shit.

Here's to all of you parents who are going through it now, been through it all or are even halfway through. As for the parents yet to discover the magic teeth ritual of the baby human, get yourself ready. Get bibs, teething crystals, teething toys (Willow hates them) and plenty of sleep. You'll need it.

1 tooth down, 19 to go.